Changing

So it has been awhile, and lots of things have changed. I've been avoiding this blog; mostly because it has made it hard to recognize the little things. It was like trying to dig in the sand, in the Sahara, with a seive.

Anyway, I've moved. I got a new place for myself. It's nice, but I can't seem to keep it clean to fit my OCD expectations of myself. Those expectations are entirely unrealistic, I know. It's amazing to me the new things you learn in each stage of your life. Being on my own, I'm figuring out exactly what is important to me; & it's not what I thought I had all hammered out. For instance, come back to the cleaning; I'm super worried about my couch being clear, the bathroom clean and my bed comfortable. Not so much the dishes done every time I use them and having impeccable paper organization, like I thought I wanted. It's not just cleaning though; I'd rather spend quality time with my dog, friends and family then any mundane errand like groceries, cleaning out the car or getting the oil changed. All tasks I thought I'd be on top of doing. I would also rather be hanging out than at my job, which I love! I'm really starting to understand why time is the most important thing you can spend, and why you should be careful with it.

Other lessons I'm learning that I thought I was better at are asking for help, being alright with negative emotions like stress and anxiety and how to deal with them and pick myself back up, and finding things to be happy with in my life (not just .... hypocritically pointing them out in others'). It's been a tough month financially and that caused much stressing. I started out complaining and throwing myself a pity party every conversation. People just walked away from those; dunno if it's because I throw lame parties or I'm usually optimistic enough they don't know how to handle it.

However, things are turning around, and life is great at the moment.